First and before anything, due to the sedimentation of this
issue, I would like to make clear that I’ve got conscience that common sense bases
do no provide conditions to wonder about this argument individually. In the
meantime, I truly hope one can take it as an idea, or least as an inspiration.
Said that…
Here in England, we have started to see TV ads about some
internet sites where you can create a personal profile that can be matched
across other compatible ones through automatic search, so it can find you a
perfect date. One of these ads even has a catch phrase that it says: ‘being
single is amazing so if you want to give up this life it’s got to be for the
perfect person’. More or less that.
Then, it reminded me a coffee I had with a same age of mine
friend some time ago when she was telling me she had met a guy in a pub to
whom, after a couple of diners, she finally had sex for the first time and also
for last one. Even though the words used by her to describe him was ‘he was a
nice guy’, the sentence was followed right the way by the expected ‘but’. In
this case to reveal that he had a small penis. She thought that in a day after
day basis kind of living it could raise some issue regarding… satisfaction.
Values and judgments apart, what really popped up as evident
to me was the huge amount of extra pressure upon the already hard task of
finding someone. In fact, as for most of the people, monogamy is mandatory. Sex
plays an enormous part in this searching as much as it causes a large shadow
over the crusades for a relationship.
Being in a relationship is being in a constant trading
between the unique universe of this two people, between distinct pasts and
experiences, as much as all that come along with it. Plus seeking sexual
satisfaction of one with another. It all seems to me very dangerous and
explosive! As it wasn’t enough all the organization and structure issues that
two strangers have to balance, plus the physique dramas – ‘you don’t see me’ or
‘you don’t listen to me’, there is also the biorhythm and the sexual appetite
of each one to conjugate!
Perhaps, sex is the biggest taboo faced by every person. An
ocean of contradicted emotions running free from a conscience, varying from a
romantic embrace to a mere reaching of an orgasm or yet, all can start with a
French kisses and end up with the most primary frictions either sadistic or
masochist.
Considering that two people have to deal with how they see
and feel the external world, as they grow old, having to face over and over
again the need to change, to readapt to their internal world, which obviously
affects how they feel and understand satisfaction, I must say: it all seems a
huge endless battle of interests.
People live sex in a variety of ways. Yet, regarding such
taboo, it is an issue always outlined when we are defining our predicates. Do
you get it? What I mean is, when we are chatting, we say I love travelling or I
like playing football or I am an engineer, so far so on. But it is required
lots of champagne cocktail among a very small selected group of friends, in a
lower ton of voice, in order to almost to confess if we prefer to be on top or
on the bottom, or if we enjoy it more rough or gently, anyway.
Meanwhile, along the day, we are involuntarily bombed by
sexual stimulation and response! Notice: what we wear and how we do take care
of our look are indeed the rules of this ‘game’. We do have our attention
stolen when a good looking person crosses our path and sometimes all it takes
is a fragrance. Not mentioning the innuendos! Quite surely often in
conversations, someone, at a certain point, brought it on, spur the ‘filthy
pig’ sex in! Freud truly got some around…
So, imagine one around its 40’s today who got married at its
30’s and finally is finding him/herself sexually. I mean, its own rhythm, what
really turns him/her on, what truly gives to its life an organic balance. Now,
add the spouse in the picture, who either found its own interests but in
opposite way or yet, haven’t found at all. Locked in a life surrounded by a
taboo that keeps sexual behaviour outside their conversations, what are the
odds to a couple saving its family in a medium long term?
The thought of two people, who assumed a commitment for
life, after nine or thirteen years have sex to each other not because they are
feeling attracted but because they have no option, as hormones do not
understand arrangements, is terrifying! It is a legal passive mutilation to its
own spirit and much more! There is something quite subversive in this, as in my
point of view, the whole mechanics of this turns the wonders of the ‘Empire of
Senses’, which is making love to someone, into a ‘Deep Thought’, a mere genital
experience, the same most everybody around condemns in a life of a single one.
That pig!
Having sex works as an energetic repository to our bodies.
There are ‘zilions’ of articles through internet showing researches results
revealing its benefits, as much as the consequences of the lack of it.
On the top of everything, people are not used to really
think or listening to themselves and much less to others. Sooner, in a
relationship cycle, complaints will get started followed by a despair leaded by
a thin sense of misunderstood or not being well seen, culminating in only one
normal common conclusion: The spouse is guilty.
Readers, questioning monogamy is not promoting orgies or
promiscuous sex behaviour, but only a revaluation of how we see things and how
they truly impact our lives at the present and perhaps, break up a taboo.
That has been my eternal fight against to this static-archaic-Victorian
view. In a long term perspective, it does more harm than good to those who
swore to be together for life. When a value or a vow lapidates, locks in, or
modulates an incontrollable and involuntary energy causing profound
disinterest, and sometimes even a burden, forcing such endeavour to two no more
compatible souls to keep a physical act, costing their inner happiness, they
are cursed to risk keeping their partnership only wasting what can come out of
that.
Sex for… humans is vital to mental balance and it doesn’t
have to be synchronized to any emotion but only sensations. Flirting,
attraction, and ‘quick ones’ do make us feel alive, young, and healthy. It is
simple as that and it is just not right to keep questioning its functionality
by arguing that it belongs to more animal side of our nature, like opposing the
fact we do have a conscience, which was supposed to take care of it. But the
thing is that one does not invalidate the other, in fact, one improves how to
use the other ;).
Monogamy should be a state of mind and it is a beautiful one
and I even dare to say that most of people wishes this state lasts forever and
for me, if does, great! Fireworks! As long as everybody is happy and
psychologically balanced, cool. The problem for me is that society has clearly
been living lies. The percentage of people having extra conjugal affairs is
high! The percentage of man married over 15 years having erectile dysfunction
is also high. No one wants to live merged into lies or sleeping next someone we
no longer fully trust. If monogamy makes you lie in order to not lose the
things you really treasure, then it cannot be good at all. Besides, a lie put
on perspective all which has been true.
All I know is there are lots of families where you can see
real love falling apart for an idea. Two people crossing life together for
years and years facing huge challenges, conquering amazing levels, sharing so
many truthful emotions but half-blinded like a gothic old construction which
all the arcades are strategically supported over one point.
The modern man has new problems and lives longer so he needs
to labour more. However, he does not seem to fully understand his nature, his
era, his generation and much less the point of evolution he is in history
itself.
You, loving is one thing and having sex is another. They do
not demand a synchronized event but when combined is amazing! Individually,
even better and full of particular different interests! Think about it, talk
about it, and do questions, researching, make theories up, whatever that can
rip off with the ‘syphilization’ culture left upon us. After all, there are
lots of antibiotics for that!
I wish you all a have nice week free from taboos.
Eduardo Divério.
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