How are you?

I do believe that this very simple three words question is one of the trickiest ever questions to answer. In an everyday continuous relationship it can be cleared seen as an info update request and we comfortably know exactly what to say. But when you don’t talk to someone for ages and an avalanche of occurrences have slid between you two what exactly do you answer? Not just that, how exactly do you answer?

This simple question carries the power of the generality and from where it comes, or from whom it comes, it can be quite even more treacherous. A ‘how are you’ at an end of silent period may indicate safeguard, just running out of time to write meaningfully, too much trust, over or forced interest, no interest at all, awkwardness, cynicism, a basic trimestral clock in and, why not, perhaps, let me know about what is going on in your life.

But how deep, truthful, honest, natural, trustful, analytic, succinct or generic can we be while replying?

Notice that in each relationship, between two people, there is a unique historic, an emotional measure, closed issues, open issues, their own limits and sorrows and so I wonder: what else is encrypted among these three words? What is the motive to this question? More so, how do we answer to an unknown or a devious question?  

Well, for quite some time now, regarding behaviour, I recognize myself as my own reference. What I mean by that is that my position does not work by others precedents. I follow my ‘book’ which I believe it reflects the values I hold for and the qualities I care. Said that, I would review a message as:

A good introduction can easily shows the ton for the correspondence exchange; ‘Hi Eduardo. I know we haven’t spoken for a while but it has been a really difficult time for me because my dog was sick and the parakeet ran away. It was devastating and very despondent but at a certain point we just realize that 'the show must go on' and like that, I just retook my life control. Everything is fine at work and the bike is ok too. What about you? How are you? Hugs, Joe’.

Pay attention on how minded the person was when he provided a brief explanation why he had been away, which clearly it gives the ton, the idea to what I should answer and why.

Meanwhile, it is true that writing, even though it is the invention that gave birth to History and changed the world, it is not quite uneventful to all people. Moreover, writing demands a subtle focus upon us and not everyone is willing to do it properly. It is like a mirror, a virtual time machine that put us back to live something again and forces us to watch one more time things we once wished to forget, at least for a while.   

Writing is revealing somthing. It is undeniably to testify an intention, a thought. So, nowadays, hiding behind the generic wildness of a just ‘how are you’ suggests, for me, insecurity. But I am not talking about the security of things you can assure like a car, that allow us going around almost hitting the narrow moll entrances because we would be covered in any case. I am referring to that kind of safety when one gets inside the house and locks its door using three different kinds of locks having bars on the windows keeping the world outside.

Unfortunately, good behaviour does not come with everybody even when for sure suits us all.  

So, for all the reasons above my friend, you, if one day you ask me ‘how are you’ and you just get back ‘I am fine, thanks. What about you?’ please take it as a mere fair response to your mere question. However, and beforehand, you should know that encrypted in my reply you can read: ‘what exactly do you want to know about me and why?

Have all a nice and good week.

Eduardo Divério.