Is social network really bad for us?

Wherever I look nowadays there’s a comment, a report, a Facebook posting or a film denouncing how people seem to have forgotten to interact with others more physically and therefore, emotionally. It is hard to look around and not see that indeed. In fact, people really seem to dedicate more attention to their smartphones than to friends next to them.  

However, is this behaviour a consequence of an abusive use of social networking or this use has just made evident what was not so noticeable before? Over 20 year ago when I moved myself to Europe I started working as a waiter. Saturday’s mornings always caught my attention because I could see couples simultaneously having their breakfast while they were densely reading a weekly paper and curiously, I could not see or hear any kind of interaction between them for all the time they spent in there. The same also happened in other days, with other types of relationships, where books, crosswords, magazines and sometimes even nothing looked like more interesting than talking to each other.

I believe that there is a powerful social construct selling out the exaggerated notion that relationships should be a constant exchanging between people; a system from where people get to complement one another while within this constant exchanging there’s mutual compensation, which ends up fulfilling each individual. However, it also seems a bit claustrophobic to me. I can see all the benefits that come from it though, but I can also point out enough material serving as justifying argument or as accountability regarding personal agendas.

The point for me is: There’re as many people stuck in their smartphones as there can be found in bars, discos, shopping centres, or public squares and they all are interacting to others. Whoever likes a party just likes it, and this kind of person would never prefer watching an event through a miniscule screen instead of going to see it live! Whoever enjoys a nice face to face chat will never hold much dependency on WhatsApp!  However, let’s think about the people that was never much popular, or those highly shy that used to go to the movies by themselves just to go back home later to a book. Think about how these people have never had the chance to say to anyone how they really feel. Social networking brought life, ideas, possibilities, lessons, inspirations and so much more to these people.

The thing is that we will find loads of narrow minded people out there, pseudo intellectuals not able to see further than the obvious common views by which they love to promote themselves. Of course that social network via communications technology did impact our lives and of course there are pros and cons. But there is such a fuss upon people that really don’t need anyone looking out for them! The excessive use of social networking comes from its own easy access and it is not an indicative of lesser life quality.

Nevertheless, for me, this phenomenon is just an extension of this backward stimulus that inspires a constant looking back type of behaviour, where people develop discourses comparing how childhood used to be in the 80’s related to now. They cynically, sarcastically, and ironically insinuate that the current knowledge that we have built up upon observation and research is nothing more than pedantry. They love narrating how ‘normal’ these children grew up to be despite of their childhood being devoid of all the current supporting laws and health and safety normative as we know it today.

We are about seven billion of people in the planet with a very long history to tell, but for all that matters, we have a spatial lab navigating all the way through Saturn and we also have landed another one on a moving comet, which is enough evidence that what we have been building up can lead us somewhere better. This insistent looking back behaviour is a huge anchor in society life and it is also very disrespectful at our own evolving trajectory. It is the same kind of principle underlying attitude that cut off human being’s freedom, that punishes differences, and that incarcerate those who dare to question or show new directions.         

As suggestion, try to think more deeply and with more reflection about whatever you are about to share in your social network. Remember that prejudice, ignorance, fundamentalism, and abusive behaviour are all ‘friends’ in their own social network and they are often connected and connect matters that in a first glimpse they don’t seem to relate to each other.

I wish you all an excellent week of social interaction.

Eduardo Divério.

Stepping back from ‘patronising’

So this is it, they are walking among us! We have reached the point where people born in the mid first half of the 90’s are standing up for the starting of their third decade ahead. But when our age are precisely the double of theirs, does it really mean that our experiences throughout the past 20 years can be seen as wisdom and we, in fact, can kind of predict how some of their planes are going to turn up?

Let’s see: According to child development theories, a person can only start fully thinking and understanding the world around age of 13. That number is more than half of their current age. So, between ages 15 and 20 they really begin to start showing clear individual differences evidence, but progressively. However, after 20, poof! They absolutely know how everything works or don’t; a cosmic certainty flows through their existence looking like it is unfolding all mysteries and, full of property, they just have all figured it out: They really believe they know how to make a relationship last for ever, as they also know why some of us have failed on this task and they absolutely seem to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives. But we know that although some people actually may follow a easy and predictable path, most of the people will struggle to keep their marriages, raise their children, and they also will realise how boring or how mistaken their professional life have become!  

It is true though that these generations are the ones setting up the new tendencies that in fact affect us all. The trendiness of fashion, music, dancing, visual media, name it! They learn things, they change and improve them. But then why my second paragraph is so sarcastically done in a way that actually can denote some patronising? Allow me to keep building up my argument.

Coming back to university has placed me in a position where I am surrounded by this generation. 

There has happened a few times in which I witnessed situations where arguing escalated to out of control: ‘You’re behaving very aggressive towards me’, ‘I did not say that! You are projecting yourself over me’... That was shocking to me as much as almost unbelievable to hear it when I had just heard how these very same persons instigated and contributed to things got out of control. Suddenly, the cause, the problem was outside of them, in somebody's else. I also often hear that my generation is quite cynic and bitter as if life-scars have moved us away from accomplishing our dreams successfully.

That makes me think: if you take 10 years out of my age I would still being a full grown up adult. However, if you take 10 years out of this generation you are placing them in the middle of childhood! So, what experience do they have to back up their dreams but hope and social constructs of happiness? For example, growing up knowing that gays are able to form civil partnerships, that they actually produce a huge annual party that congests major capitals does not make sexual discrimination in-existent. What happened is that for the past 20 years my generation have been tuning up with history, with other generations that still interacting with us, showing that in order to reach our dreams, we will have to do some adaptations. Unfortunately, the massive majority of people haven’t realised that their lives today are a mess because in the past they fed incompatible values related to the realities they wished and acquired, whether it was due to religion or just culture.

There are an alarming number of men suffering from impotence at age of 40 because life is no longer exciting, and that doesn't have nothing to do with whether they love their partners; there are a serious number of women that cannot even remember the last time they had an orgasm; believing that there is ‘the one’ or ‘that a great love should be forever’ or ‘there is only one, maybe two’ can be the reason why one still stuck in an unhappy relationship.

The second adulthood, where my generation lives, is just the evolved and progressive part of the life spectrum. Our brains reached a maturate state, similar to any other age, including age of 13, in a way that allow us to feel and see the world in different perspectives, applying all what we learnt in the past 20 years. We realise that there are patterns:  at the 20’s, we have determination to pursue our dreams and as much as we can’t be apart from our families, there are always underlying issues creating constant friction with relatives. At 30’s, we arrogantly and proudly manage all we have built so far, but some sort of reconciliation with our families occurs. However, at the 40’s, somehow you realised that the fact you were born in a family, in a culture, in an environment, it may not describe or provide the best predicates of your true nature and finally, you feel yourself as a whole complete individual, free from inadequate values or beliefs. But this is like everything else in life: you need to lick it to learn how it tastes it.    

And that brings me to the title of this text. Who knows me and had the chance to read my blog in Portuguese can endorse me when I say: we cannot expect a child from the fifth grade to resolve ‘the approximation formula’ usually learnt years later. There is a time for everything.  My generation in fact, using age and personal experience to input some allege wisdom into a younger generation’s mind is useless. For all that matters, we could, perhaps, operate as lighthouses in the darkness though, providing some glimpses of the future or showing some directions, but nothing much further than this.


I still don’t see that generally my generation patronises the younger one, as I believe they live oblivious from how things really develop, not able to fully comprehend it. However, I can understand why they feel this way. I have always thought that those who hold knowledge and wisdom are truly responsible for the balance, so let’s make an effort and zip up!

I wish all generations a fantastic integrated and peaceful week.

Eduardo Divério.